Well there’s nothing like a bit of exercise to get the brain whirring…

Tonight I have just got back from the gym and I am feeling both knackered and good about myself.  I have done 50 minutes of exercise – fast and hilly walking, cross training and cycling.  I have worked up a sweat.  I have then found time to blog about it!

Now if you are thinking ‘oh no, another fitness fanatic’ you couldn’t be more wrong. I am not a gym bunny.  In fact in the last seven months I have been to the gym three times.  And all of those in the last two weeks! (Yes, I have had a baby and breast-feeding has made it too difficult to leave him up until now, but it’s still crap.  I have still been cursing each month when my gym direct debit went out and my gym clothes never went on!)  

But I have been desperate to get back to the gym and do some regular exercise.  And not because I love it.  I don’t.  I would much rather sit on my bum with a glass of milk and bar of chocolate watching trashy TV.  But I have an issue that needs addressing…

I am fat.

I am over weight. (In fact I am clinically obese – damn that BMI chart!)

Now right now, at this point, I know some of my readers (my lovely friends and people who know me) will be thinking I am over-exaggerating.  They will be thinking I am not that big.  They are so kind that they may genuinely believe that.  But they haven’t had the pleasure of seeing me naked!  Nor have they seen the awful numbers that flash up on my scales.  Even a doctor once weighed me and said “oooh, you hide that well!”  And I think that is true.  I do look overweight, but perhaps not as heavy as I really am. And that is why they are my friends…because they see me slimmer than I really am!

Here are a few stats about my weighty issue:

  • I haven’t been in my healthy BMI range since I got married 12 years ago

(And I only achieved that weight loss through serious dieting and a colonic irrigation!  And I re-gained 11lbs on my honeymoon!)

  • If you add up the ages and birth weights of my three boys, that is about how much weight I need to lose!

(And yes, I have big babies!)

  • I have joined about eight slimming clubs over the years and only once actually lost a decent amount of weight.

(Embarrassingly I have included some of the clubs more than once – the ones that I have joined, and then left, then re-joined then left, then re-joined, then left. “Hi, it’s me again.  I am still fat!”)

  • On Saturday night, I tried on seven outfits before going out, and hated all of them because I looked too fat.
  • 80% of my wardrobe is black, because I think it is slimming!

I have friends of varying shapes and sizes, and love them all, but I have to admit I am so envious of my slim friends.  They always look so amazing, even in their casual jeans and a little T-shirt.  I always think it must be lovely to go into a shop, pick something you like off the rail and buy it.  No thoughts of ‘Does my bum/thighs/tummy/upper arms (delete as applicable!) look big in this?’  And I always assume this must be what shopping is like for slim people.  (But I wonder if that is really what it is like for them?  Or if they have their own worries when shopping, but of a different kind?)

Now I most certainly do not want sympathy.  I do not deserve it.  You see I understand fully the mechanics of weight.  (Calories in; calories out etc) And I know I eat too much.  Of the wrong thing. And I don’t exercise enough. I know all that.  But I really want to lose weight.  Before my holiday in June.  Yet I really find it hard.

I have three boys and looking after them keeps me busy.  And sometimes my body craves sugar just to keep me going.  My husband works shifts and is away a couple of nights a week, so that’s a couple of nights I struggle to do anything other than collapse on the sofa after a crazy bedtime routine for three! And my most current issue is that I am breast-feeding and that often makes my body tell me I need more food. (By the way, whoever said breast-feeding is great to help the weight fall off you is a liar.  It doesn’t!)

I hate my body at the moment.  I really hate it.  It is fat and saggy and I feel crap about it.  None of my clothes look nice and I don’t want to shop for new ones as I am hoping to lose some weight.

Hoping.

However I know that hoping is not going to help.

(Hopping might, but hoping definitely won’t!)

I have just over three months to lose as many stones.  (Although I would be over the moon with just two stone.)

And so I need your help.  I would love your advice.

I need diet tips that don’t involve anything drastic and can still enable me to function as a mum and chase after my three boys, without headaches, bad breath or any of the other awful side effects so many of these fad diets have.

I need meal suggestions that don’t need a lot of preparation.  I need healthy snacks that don’t include eggs, nuts or raw vegetables! (I know- annoying hey – what sort of person doesn’t like egg or nuts or raw vegetables?)

I need an exercise buddy, who I can actually keep up with!  I need to find times to exercise that I can juggle with the boys.

I need an exercise playlist for my iPod that will be more appropriate than the ‘Blast from the Past’ one I listened to tonight, created from all my old ecclectic CD singles. (Because ‘Think Twice’ by Celine Dion, ‘Crocodile Shoes’ by Jimmy Nail, ‘Stan’ by Eminem, ‘Evergreen’ by Will Young. ‘Lifted’ by the Lighthouse Family. ‘For Whom the Bell Tolls’ by the Bee Gees and ‘Pure and Simple’ by Hearsay just don’t cut it!)

I need someone to help me, make me their project and do it for free! (Maternity leave + loft extension = serious lack of cash!)

So, do your stuff social media. Words of wisdom.  Sure-fire success suggestions. Food for fat burn. Music for movement.  And make it easy for me.

Help this tubby mummy get ready to bare her body on a beach in three months time! Please.

And finally – no sympathy!

It’s my own fault I am fat.

(Although I like to blame my boys!)