Dear Mr Sheeran / Ed / oh Wonderful One!
So we are sure this isn’t the first open letter you have received, nor will it be the last, but we have an important proposal for you and hope this will wing its way to you via the medium of social media!
Firstly, and it goes without saying, we love you! Not in a stalker-ish, we-want-to-leave-our-husbands-for-you way (we are both happily married!) And definitely not in a Rupert Grint eat-your-old-chewing-gum obsessive way. But in an appreciation of the wonder of you, your music and your colourful tattoos.
However we do have some beef with you. Well, not with you personally, but with the UK and its attitude towards you. With the UK’s love for you. Because that love for Ed has caused us some problems.
You see, when we heard you were gigging again, these two blogging teacher mummies got just a little excited. OK, understatement. We got very excited. Yes, we said, we will go and see him in concert. We won’t invite our husbands, as we need them to babysit, so we will make it a girls’ night. Simples!
But apparently not so simples!
The whole of the UK had the same idea.
Thursday morning was a write-off. After hours of sitting in front of a PC each, with iPhone in one hand and landline phone in the other, it transpires that your tickets are not easy to get hold of. It seems they are bloody impossible to get hold off because we are not the only ones who love you. In fact Viagogo love you so much they bought up half the tickets and are selling them at a mere £300 a pop. (Unfortunately our lack of lottery win means we cannot join them in that expression of love.)
By Thursday lunchtime, you were all sold out and we were gutted.
With shattered dreams.
And unrequited love.
So 48 hours later we have a come up with a plan. A plan that will enable our love for you to flourish. So here it is, our plan B so to speak.
We would like to invite you to perform at a new venue. It is a small, intimate venue and is named after you. St Eds hall. (Yes – that really is its name. Ok – it’s not actually named after you, although we like to believe it is). It’s located in our village. Our tiny but mighty village. Its capacity is only about 50, but it does have a clean toilet and tea-making facilities. It has a little stage, just for you. With a back entrance for your personal use! And you can bring your own alcohol at no charge. And the joy for us avid fans is that it is walking distance from home.
So we cordially invite you to join us at St Eds, at a mutually agreeable time, so we can experience your gig, like we would have done at the O2, had we been able to buy tickets. In return for your singing, you can have the hall hire for free. And we will throw in a crate of beer for afterwards, and maybe even some flavoured vodka!
We are conscious that once this letter goes viral, many others may jump on the band wagon and invite you to their tiny village halls, but don’t feel bad about saying no to them. As long as you say yes to us, we will share the experience with others via our blogs and make it known to the world what a good chap you are. We may even erect a giant Ed statue in the middle of our village, in your honour!
So it’s over to you Ed – will you come to St Eds?
Lots of Love
Bec and Laura