Would you press the button?
This could have been a post about Boy 1, when he was younger, as he had a habit for seeing buttons and pressing them. Anywhere and everywhere. My favourite occasion was when he was with his grandma in a new cafe that had just been built in our local park. He noticed a red button on the wall and pressed it. This triggered a very loud alarm that the staff did not know how to turn off. Cut a long story short – the cafe had to be evacuated and temporarily closed and my mum never took him there again!
But actually this post is not about that – it is about a hilarious car journey that my boys and I had yesterday. Such a fun 40 minutes, one of those simple yet precious memories, and one that they obviously enjoyed as much as me, since they have spent much of today talking about it.
Boy 1 taught us a game called ‘Would you press the button?’. Apparently he and his friends play it at school. Some of you may know it, as I have since found out it comes from an app called ‘Push this button’, but I had never come across it before. The game works like this: you ask someone to choose whether or not they would press a button in return for a good thing with a not-so-good consequence. For example ‘You will be the best writer in the world BUT you will make typos all the time.’
Suffice to say that with a 9-year-old, 7-year old and an irrelevant-to-this-story-but-cute, sleeping 3-month-old, our dilemmas were somewhat random and the game wasn’t quite played as intended.
Here is the script of some of the dilemmas and resulting conversations we had whilst playing this game.
The Body Dilemma
Boy 1: If you press the button, you get the fittest and healthiest body ever but you lose your penis or vagina. Would you press the button?
Me: (Laughing) I wouldn’t!
Boy 2: How would I wee?
Boy 1: It would just come out of a big hole and you would have no control over it
Boy 2: Oh no! I wouldn’t press the button
Me: (Laughing hysterically) That sounds awful. I wouldn’t press the button either!
The School Dilemma
Me: If you press the button, you get to go to grammar school but you would never see XXX again. (XXX is a good friend of Boy 1.)
Boy 1: (Pauses to really consider the implications of this button-press. Looks sad. Speaks quietly and with regret.) Yes I would press the button because I really want to go to grammar school.
Me: You really thought about that carefully didn’t you?
Boy 2: I would press the button as I don’t really like XXX anyway!
Another Body Dilemma (These were very popular!)
Boy 2: If you press the button you will have no willy, no eyes, no nose, no ears, no bones and no heart.
Me: Well why would anyone press that button? You do understand how this game works don’t you?
Boy 1: There has to be something good that happens if you press the button.
Boy 2: Oh right…so you can have a brain still.
The Teddy Dilemma
Me: If you press the button, you will get every games console that exists, but you have to give up Smellie Ellie. Would you press the button?
(Smellie Ellie is Boy 1’s special teddy from birth, who he still cuddles at night. She is an elephant, who used to smell from being chewed so much, despite being washed regularly, and although she is no longer chewed and smelly, she has no trunk or fur and is decorated with numerous badly-sewn patches, and is quite frankly a shadow of her former self!).
Boy 1: No! Definitely not. I could not give up Smellie Ellie.
Me: Not for every games console in the world?
Boy 1: No!
Boy 2: I would press the button.
Me: But Smellie Ellie isn’t your toy.
Boy 2: I know. So I would press it.
Me: OK – but if you press it, you would lose Jessie Cat.
(Jessie Cat is Boy 2’s favourite teddy from when he was a baby.)
Boy 2: Oh no then. I wouldn’t press it. Unless…where does Jessie Cat go?
Boy 2: But can I have her back after a bit?
Me: No, that’s the whole point. She goes away and you never see her again.
Boy 2: (With realisation setting in) So I can’t get her back once I have the games consoles?
Me: No! You would never get her back.
Boy 2: (Sadly) Oh OK. Then no. I wouldn’t press the button.
The President Dilemma
Boy 2: If you press the button, you would be president but you would have no body or brain or heart.
Me: I don’t think I would make a very good president then.
The CD Dilemma
Boy 1: If you press the button, you get given all the CDs in the world, but you cannot listen to them.
Me: (Puzzled) So would they just take up space in the house?
Boy 1: Yes.
Me: Then no, I wouldn’t press the button. The house is already messy enough and I don’t think Daddy would be very happy.
The Left Arm Dilemma
Me: If you press the button, you can have £100K but you lose the use of your left arm.
Boy 2: Will your arm still be there?
Me: Yes, but it won’t do anything. It will just hang by your side.
Boy 1: It will look like this. (He acts out someone moving about but with his left arm not doing anything.)
Boy 2: (Having thought carefully about it) Yes I would press the button.
Boy 1: (In shock) But you wouldn’t be able to use your arm…
Boy 2: Yes I know, but I could still play football and write and eat. I can do lots without my left arm. Look! (He then acts out kicking a ball, eating and writing, looking very pleased with himself, and without using his left arm.) I could play football or be a goalkeeper.
Boy 1: How could you be a goalkeeper with one arm?
Me: (Trying hard not to laugh at Boy 2) It would be quite difficult to be a goalkeeper with only one arm.
Boy 2: Well I am not a very good goalkeeper now, so I am sure it wouldn’t make much difference.
Of course, you would find all of this so much funnier if you’d have been there with us in the car (as they say…”you had to be there”), but hopefully you can get an idea of the entertainment value and why we all had the giggles.
Go on…try the game…it’s brilliant.
Would you press the button?
(If you do play and it tickles your fancy, please post some of your best dilemmas in the comments section of my website. Let’s share the hilarity!)